Hopeful Season
by Cynamin
Summary: A chance encounter keeps Buffy and Angel from being alone on the holidays.
1. Chapter One

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

Disclaimers: NutMeg says I can claim Angel, but I don't think Joss Whedon would agree with her. So no, I don't own them.   
Spoilers: Dad. Pretty much ignores BtVS right now. Take place 3 years in the future.   
Distribution: Anyone who has other stories by me, feel free. All of my stories can be found at http://www.ficgoddess.com   
Content: B/A. Pretty fluffy, but not sickly so, and a happy ending. :) A holiday fic of sorts…   
Rating: PG   
Summary: A chance meeting keeps Buffy and Angel from being alone on the holidays.   
Feedback: Comments? Questions? Criticisms or snide remarks?   
Notes: Since I had a certain type of fic in mind that I wanted to read and no one seemed to be writing it, I figured I'd better do it myself. Now, part of my says there is no way Angel's child is going to stay around long enough for this fic to be remotely possible…but I'm ignoring the part of me that says that to write this story anyway. Enjoy! 

**Part One**

* * *

Buffy stopped abruptly in the aisle, smiled to herself as she ran her fingers along the clothing in the children's department. She wasn't in a hurry, and somewhere between makeup and shoes she had begun dawdling. Tinny Christmas carols played over the department store's loud speakers. The crowds constantly came and went, but right here next to the children's department it was oddly quiet. 

What had caught Buffy's eye was a red sweater with white snowmen along the bottom and snowflakes throughout. It reminded her of a sweater Dawn used to have. She had received it on Christmas from their grandmother; the package still had the address and stamps on it under the wrapping paper. Dawn had insisted on wearing the sweater immediately, even though they were in the midst of an unseasonal heat wave. How she had whined later, too hot but unwilling to give up the sweater. 

Buffy's smile slipped. She was going to miss Dawn this winter. She pulled her hand away from the child's sweater. It was best to be moving on to what she came here for. 

She turned…and almost tripped over a small child, dashing out from between the clothing racks. Blessing her Slayer reflexes, Buffy froze. The child froze as well, staring at her. 

The boy looked to be about three years old, far to young to be wandering the mall by himself, which meant his parents couldn't be far away. His hair was dark, and his eyes surprisingly intense as he looked up at Buffy. When the boy did not begin to move or speak, Buffy crouched before him, smiling again. 

"Hey," she said softly. "Where are your parents?" 

The boy grinned at her. 

"Your mommy? Daddy?" 

He chuckled. "Daddy." 

"Well, at least we narrowed it down," Buffy muttered to herself. Her gaze wandered, searching for anyone who looked like he might be this little one's father, but at this low vantage point she couldn't see much more than the clothes racks. At the same time she asked, "So, where *is* your daddy?" 

The boy shook his head. "I'm hiding," he declared. 

"Oh, are you?" Buffy asked, amused. "He's probably very worried about you. How about we find him together?" 

The boy hesitated a moment before nodding. 

"Okay, then," she said, starting to get uncomfortable in her crouch on the tile. "So, what's your name?" 

He opened his mouth to answer…. 

"Connor!" 

Buffy froze. That voice was *way* too familiar. She did not look up at the feet that came running, or the arms that easily picked up the small boy. 

"I've told you not to wander off like that," he scolded the child, and Buffy knew that her initial recognition had been correct. Slowly she stood. 

"I was so worried," he said to the boy. Then his tone changed, and Buffy knew he was talking to her even though he hadn't looked at her yet. "I'm sorry about this, miss…." His head turned and his eyes went wide. "Buffy." 

She was sure her expression was similarly shocked. "Angel." The little boy – Connor – seemed quite comfortable and accustomed to his arms. With the two of them side by side, the resemblance was both eerie and undeniable. 

And, obviously, impossible. 

For that reason alone Buffy was willing to ignore the evidence of her own eyes. And there were so many other reasons that she wanted to ignore even the possibility. But she didn't have that luxury for long. 

"Sorry, Daddy," the boy muttered, leaning his head into his father's shoulder. 

Angel bounced Connor slightly on his hip, shifting his position. "It's okay. You just scared me." 

Buffy could not hold back any longer. "Daddy?" she asked pointedly. There was the weight of a hundred questions in her word. 

He swallowed visibly and answered them all just as simply. "Yeah." 

She could not help but gape at him. "But…." 

He shrugged, as eloquent as ever. Buffy had to concede that this wasn't the time or place for the types of questions she really wanted to ask. 

Instead, she forced herself to smile slightly. "Aren't you going to properly introduce us?" 

Angel let out a visible sigh of relief, which was instantly endearing. He smiled as well, and Buffy glimpsed something she never thought she'd see in him. Paternal pride. "Buffy, this is Connor, my son," he said. 

"Pleased to meet you," Buffy said to the child. 

Her formal tone made the boy giggle. 

"Connor," Angel continued, "this is-" 

"Picture!" Connor declared quite loudly. 

Angel looked rather embarrassed at that, and Buffy got the impression that he would have blushed if he had circulation. "Picture?" she asked, confused. 

Connor answered for him. "Daddy's picture," he said. 

Buffy met Angel's embarrassed gaze. "You have a picture of me?" she asked, surprised and touched. They hadn't been together in over five years. They had not spoken to each other in a bit over three. The day was just full of surprises thus far, and the toddler showed there could only be more to come. 

At last Angel nodded. "Of course I do," he said softly. 

Buffy didn't have a good answer for that at all. 

"This is awkward, isn't it?" Angel asked after a moment. 

"To say the least," Buffy agreed. Did they even have things to say to each other any more? Were they really *that* far apart now? She didn't want to know. She could leave now, gather her things, and she'd never have to know how strained things really were between them now. 

Or just how comfortable they could still be. And was that a chance she really wanted to give up? After all, what was life without a little chance? 

Connor solved the debate for her. He pulled away from his father slightly to look at Buffy. "Come see Santa!" he said. 

Angel looked just as startled by his son's invitation as Buffy was. "Uh…" 

Buffy gave the child a smile. "I would love to come with you," she said. "But only if your father doesn't mind." 

Connor looked at Angel with a pleading expression. "Pwease?" 

Angel looked at Buffy, no doubt trying to read her expression. "Yeah," he said at last. "I'd like that." 

Buffy swallowed. He'd like that? 'Buffy, you're reading way too much into this,' she thought to herself as she reached for her bags. He didn't mean that like it sounded, did he? Like he really wanted her around? No matter how much she tried to tell herself otherwise, Buffy liked that idea, too. 'And what else do you have right now? An empty hotel room for a vacation spot?' 

But no. This was not a situation anything good could come of, at least in the long run. She could have an afternoon of friendship and companionship…but she'd be bound to have odd dreams and a bout of depression for the rest of the week. So she couldn't hope. She wouldn't…. 

Or at least that's what she tried to tell herself. 

They did not speak at first as the two of them – three of them – fell into step beside each other. Angel was now pushing a rental stroller, Connor firmly ensconced inside, shopping bags hanging from the back. It was such an odd image for Angel. At least, for the Angel that Buffy remembered. First, of course, there was the child and all that entailed. But then there was Angel, actually shopping…? Buffy couldn't help but grin. 

Angel must have noticed the shift in Buffy's mood. "What?" 

She turned her smile to him. "I thought vampires weren't very big on Christmas," she teased. "I mean, shopping, Santa…what's next?" 

"Well, I'm not having a traditional Christmas dinner," Angel teased right back. 

Buffy felt on the verge of laughing. Her emotions were all over the place in his presence… It was like a natural high. "No, I didn't think you would," she agreed. "But…Santa?" 

"I promised," Angel defended himself. 

Buffy grinned. "He *so* has you wrapped around his little finger, doesn't he?" 

Angel smiled. "He does," he agreed. "But I'm perfectly happy to be there." 

She was nearly gaping at him. A paternal, emotional, *happy* Angel? This was just getting to be a bit too weird. In a good way, but completely outside of any of her experiences with him. Angel. Single father. At least, she hoped he was single…. 'Oh, that's none of your business anymore, remember?' 

Buffy ignored that nagging little internal voice. "So, um…his mother?" she asked a bit falteringly. 

"She's dead," Angel replied. There was something very odd in his tone. 

"Oh," Buffy replied…yet internally relieved. "I'm…sorry?" 

He gave her an uncomfortable look. "It's not…. That is…it's a long story." 

"Sure," Buffy agreed. "Which you'll be sure to tell me when we reach question and answer time." Her tone was light, but she wasn't going to give up without answers. 

He looked at her, seeming awkward. 

Buffy returned the look, making it clear just how serious she actually was. 

Angel let out a wry chuckle. "You don't give up, do you?" 

"Nope," Buffy acknowledged, flashing him a smile. 

"So…" he said at last, "when and where?" 

Buffy shrugged. "This is your town, remember? You tell me." 

"Speaking of," Angel said abruptly, "what are you doing here?" 

Buffy held up her couple of bags. "Uh, shopping?" 

"You're a little far from home, Buffy." 

She sighed. "I don't know," she admitted. "I just needed to get away for a little while. Be by myself, have a vacation…." 

She could never fool Angel, and she didn't manage it now, either. "You don't sound so happy about that," he said. 

Buffy shrugged. "It's alright." 

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Shouldn't you be spending the holidays with your friends? Dawn?" 

"Dawn got a chance to go to Europe with Dad and every body else is spending their required family time." 

"And you?" He very softly touched Buffy's hand. 

"I," Buffy said dramatically with a false smile, "am having a *fabulous* L.A. vacation." 

He met her smile a little sadly. "How about tonight?" he asked. 

"Tonight what?" 

"Questions and answers," Angel provided. "You could come for dinner. I'd even cook." 

"You cook?" Buffy asked in surprise. 

He gave a small smile. "Nothing really fancy, but I'm told it's edible." 

Buffy smiled. "I think I'd like that." She looked at the stroller only to find Connor leaning over, obviously asleep. "Angel…?" she said, gesturing at the small boy. 

Angel looked at his son and grinned. "It's been a long day," he laughed. 

"Gonna be even longer," Buffy said, pointing to the line of children waiting to see Santa Claus. 

Angel sighed. "Well, maybe he'll sleep through most of it," he said. He looked at Buffy and gave her a very hesitant smile, his hand held out to her. "Would it be wrong of me to ask you to keep me company?" 

Buffy found herself smiling broadly back. "I'd like that," she said, and took the offered hand in her own. 


	2. Chapter Two

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Two**

* * *

"Oh, wow." 

Angel couldn't help but be pleased by her reaction. "I'd forgotten you'd never been here," he said. 

Buffy smiled openly. The awkwardness between them had faded to almost nothing over the hours in the shopping mall. They had spoken easily about mundane things, other people's lives, the whole time shying away from emotions and questions they really wanted to ask. It was…actually rather nice. It was so rare to talk without the usual tensions. 

It had continued like that as they waited in line with Connor, and even afterwards as Buffy moved along to buying the things she had gone to the mall for in the first place. She was originally going to return to her hotel before coming over for dinner, but that never happened. The afternoon passed quickly, the sun set behind the clouds, and Buffy accompanied Angel back to where he and his son made their home. 

"The mansion was one thing," Buffy teased him, "but a hotel? I always thought you were more of a small apartment sort of person." 

Angel took Buffy's bags and placed them behind the counter, out of the way. "It's also the office," he said. "It's not as if I live in the whole building. I have my rooms." 

"Come see my room!" Connor said suddenly, tugging on Buffy's pant leg. 

Buffy had long ago given up trying to resist the little boy. "Okay," she agreed, lowering her hand to him. He grasped it happily, tugging her towards the stairs. 

Angel fell in step behind them, watching his son and his first love interact. He had never seen Buffy deal with small children before. And Connor, who had sadly already learned not to trust strangers, took to Buffy so easily it was surprising. Connor made his slow progress up the stairs, one hand firmly in Buffy's, the other grasping the railing supports one after the other. Buffy kept her gaze on him, taking each step with him, patiently letting Connor make his own way just like he wanted. 

Buffy glanced back over her shoulder. Finding Angel watching her, she grinned. "Enjoying the view?" 

"Yes," Angel replied without thinking. 

Buffy gave him an amused, disbelieving look. 

If Angel could have, he would have blushed. "I just meant…" he began, flustered. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded." 

Now Buffy looked really amused. "I know," she said, stepping up the stairs even as she spoke to him. She smirked openly. "But if you *did* mean it the way it sounded, I'd take it as a compliment." 

She reached the top of the stairs, leaving Angel behind, gaping at her. That wasn't the sort of statement he'd expected *at all.* 

*** 

Buffy didn't have any clue why she had said that. She regretted it from the instant it was out of her mouth. *So much for the nice evening, huh?* She was saved from any awkwardness though by Connor, eagerly leading her down the second floor hallway. 

"My room," he declared at last, pulling Buffy through a door. 

The room had obviously once been a typical hotel room, but not anymore. Now it was a very lived in little boy's room. The walls were painted white with a bright colorful border at the top. The typical larger bed had been replaced by a twin sized one, flat against the wall with drawers underneath and a detachable children's safety railing. A toy chest sat next to it, filled with stuffed animals and colorful children's books. 

It was a warm and welcoming room. Buffy suddenly found herself picturing Angel surrounded by children's furniture and toy stores. Never mind where she had met him earlier, it was something she had never tried to picture before today. 

"I like it," Buffy said at last. 

Connor grinned, obviously pleased. 

Buffy walked the room, taking a closer look at Connor's things. The room was neat, but not perfectly so. The tail of a plastic toy animal kept one of the drawers under the bed from closing all of the way. A coloring book and crayons was spread out on top of one of the dressers. Behind that was a picture of Angel with Connor as an infant. The frame was at least partially made by Connor, decorated with an excess of glitter and glue. 

Buffy picked up the picture to look at a little closer. She smiled. Was she just imagining that happy yet somewhat disbelieving look in Angel's eyes? Her smile turned a bit sad, then. Part of her, long ignored, kind of wished she'd been there to see this in person. 

She put the picture down and continued around the room. There was another door at the back of the room that opened to a bathroom, and a third door set into the wall beside it that probably went to an adjoining room. Ignoring her inspection for the moment, Connor had pulled down his coloring book and was sitting on the floor, working intently. 

Buffy stopped for another moment beside the bed. The comforter was all in bold colors with dinosaurs around the edges. Then, sitting quite out of place next to the pillow, was a small, pink stuffed pig. She lifted the stuffed animal from the bed. It looked so much like her old pig that she couldn't help but chuckle. 

Her laugh drew Connor's attention. "Mr. Gordo," he said, seeing what she was holding. 

Buffy just grinned even wider. 

/ "Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?" 

Angel looked so confused, but he was still holding the pig. "Excuse me?" 

"The pig." / 

Buffy looked at the stuffed animal a moment longer. She could sense that Angel was behind her, watching. "Is that his name?" she asked Connor. 

The little boy nodded happily. 

She finally acknowledged Angel's presence. "I'm going to guess you named him," she said. 

Angel looked justifiably embarrassed. "I, well…" He gave her an uncertain looking smile. "I saw him in a toy store when Connor was a baby," he began to explain. 

"And you just couldn't resist?" Buffy suggested. 

Angel nodded. 

That little hurt piece of her that wanted to be in that photo on the dresser reared up even stronger this time. "I guess you didn't forget about me like I thought," she said unhappily. 

It was hard to read Angel's expression, but his tone was earnest. "I never forgot about you," he said. 

Buffy sighed. She did believe that, really. It was just…. "Why didn't I know about all of this, then?" she asked. Her voice came out helpless instead of challenging. 

Angel frowned. "I…" 

"Yes?" 

She could see him swallow. "I'll tell you everything over dinner," he said at last. "I promise." She still couldn't read his expression enough to figure out what was on his mind, but he looked quite uncomfortable. "I need to start dinner," he said quickly. "Would you, uh, bring Connor down in a couple of minutes? He knows where the kitchen is." 

Buffy nodded, and without another word Angel hurried from the doorway. She couldn't help but feel that he was running away from her. And she had thought she'd grown past the point where that could hurt…. 

*** 

Angel didn't go any further than the top of the stairs at first. He just stood there, out of sight, bracing his hands on the top of the railing and taking deep, unnecessary breaths. Anything to calm himself. 

If there was a way that he had planned on meeting Buffy again, this wasn't it. But as much as he might have hoped that a day would come when he would tell her everything and she would understand and…. He had never actually planned for a moment when he would see her. 

But she was always so good at surprising him. She surprised him all those years ago when just a look at her managed to make him fall quite suddenly and frighteningly in love. She surprised him when she learned he was a vampire and eventually accepted him – loved him – all the same. And even now, when he thought she couldn't surprise him anymore, she did. Surprised him with the old spirit he feared had died when last they met, and surprised him with the beautiful woman she had grown to be. If he spent another minute in there with her and Connor, he was afraid…. 

Actually, he didn't know what he was afraid of. But he *was*, and that was enough. 

"Angel?" 

He turned suddenly. Buffy was standing in the hallway behind him, a hint of sadness in her gaze. "Buffy," he said with a swallow. He took an involuntary step towards her, then stopped himself. "Where's Connor?" he asked, concerned. 

"Coloring in his room. He'll be okay alone for a minute," she said. "I was more worried about you." 

"I'm fine," Angel protested automatically. 

Buffy gave him an odd look. "I'm sorry about what I said," she began. "I didn't mean…" 

Angel interrupted her with a shake of his head. "Really, it's okay. That's…not it." 

"Oh." 

He looked – really looked – at Buffy. "Are you disappointed?" he asked, confused. 

Buffy chuckled. "Honestly? A little." 

"Why?" 

She flashed him a wry smile. "I don't know. Maybe some part of me likes being able to mess with your emotions. Like you always have mine." Her smile was not a happy one. "Pretty pathetic, huh?" 

Angel didn't exactly smile, but he did finally take those steps closer that he'd wanted to. "You still 'mess with my emotions' just fine, Buffy," he admitted. And then he took a deep breath and said what he'd wanted to all afternoon. "I've missed you." 

"I've missed you," Buffy breathed back. 

This time Angel did smile. "You have?" he asked. He'd honestly thought he was alone in that. As time went on, he'd convinced himself of that…every time he put off that phone call he really ought to have made long ago. 

"Of course I have!" Buffy said, surprised. She was barely two feet away now. Just another step and…. Her expression closed off again. "But, if you missed me," she managed to say, "why didn't you ever call me? Write me? *Tell* me?" He voice rose in volume and confidence with each question. 

"I don't know," Angel said. 

"You must have some reasons," Buffy argued. "Did we really fall so out of touch that you couldn't tell me you had a son?" 

"We were never too good at the casual contact thing," Angel pointed out. 

"Well, no," Buffy agreed. "But you could have still told me…." 

Angel shook his head and sighed, thinking back to the days and weeks following Connor's birth. "There wasn't time at first," he said. "Right after Connor was born…actually, right before he was born…pretty much all hell broke loose." 

Her eyes went wide. "You don't mean that literally, do you?" 

Angel flashed her a reassuring smile. "No," he said. "But close enough." 

"Oh." Buffy stepped a little closer until Angel was looking down at her. "And after?" 

"After…I wanted the right moment." 

Buffy's voice dropped and something in her gaze changed. "How about now?" she asked in a near whisper. 

"Buffy…" Angel began, and then could say no more, finding himself just a hair's breadth from kissing her…and the look in her eyes said she didn't find any problem with the idea…. 

"Daddy!" 

Angel jumped, startled by his son's voice and was suddenly a couple of steps away from Buffy once again. "I…. What is it, Connor?" His voice sounded a bit breathless in his own ears. 

"I'm hungy," the little boy said strongly. 

"You are?" Angel asked in mock surprise. 

"Daddy!" There was a hint of a whine in his voice. 

Angel smiled. "What do you want for dinner?" he asked at last. 

The toddler thought about it for a second. "Sketti!" he declared finally. 

"Alright," Angel agreed, and turned to Buffy. She seemed to have recovered her composure a lot better than he felt like he had. "Is sketti…I mean, spaghetti, alright with you?" 

"Sounds good," she said, her voice calm and even. 

Angel picked up Connor easily, setting him on his hip to walk down the stairs. Buffy fell into step on Angel's other side. "Angel?" she said after a moment. 

"Yeah?" 

She hesitated briefly. "I always knew you'd make a great father," she said. 

Angel swallowed. "You…think so?" 

Buffy grinned, then winked at Connor before looking him in the eye. "I know so," she declared. 

Angel smiled, warmed by her statement far more than anything else thus far that day. 


	3. Chapter Three

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Three**

* * *

Buffy wasn't usually silent when things were bothering her. At least, not with Angel. Angel remembered more harsh words and heated moments than he did uncomfortable silences. When things went wrong between them, they had a tendency to let their words get carried away with them. They'd fight it out…and occasionally with more than just words. 

But this wasn't like any of the situations they'd been in before. This wasn't even anywhere in the vicinity of an old, familiar situation. And there had been years since they last had one of those infamous semi-fights. He wasn't sure that he even knew what Buffy's usual reactions were anymore. 

Driving Buffy back to her hotel, Angel tried to judge her mood, glancing at her briefly when he could. Her expression was neutral, though, and she did not meet Angel's gaze. She just stared out the passenger side window, watching the city go by. 

"Buffy?" 

She looked up, seeming a bit startled. "Hmm?" 

Angel hesitated for a moment. "Are you okay?" he prodded. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" she replied lightly, but her tone was a bit distracted and Angel knew there was more to it than she was letting him know. 

"Buffy…" he said gently. 

She sighed audibly. "I'm not…not okay," she said at last. "It's just…." 

"A lot," Angel finished for her. 

He could see Buffy nod in his peripheral vision. 

"Please, tell me," Angel said when she did not speak again. "The silence is making me nervous." 

Buffy smiled slightly at him. "It's just a lot of information to process in one day," she explained. 

Angel nodded. "And…?" 

"And…I don't know, Angel. It's been a long time. It's not my place anymore to be upset about things that really aren't any of my business anyway." 

That didn't help his nervousness. "Are you upset?" 

"A little," Buffy replied after a beat. "Mostly that Connor's mother was Darla. That's sort of making me cringe." 

Angel had rather expected that. After all, he'd never even told Buffy about Darla's resurrection and turning. She'd taken the whole series of facts far better than she could have. But on Angel's side of things, he couldn't be upset with Darla anymore. Not when she had given him the gift of such a wonderful child, and given up her life for him. 

"Oh," he said, just to keep the silence from returning. 

"But that's not my business," Buffy continued a bit unhappily. "Especially not now, when it's three years after the fact. And, please don't get me wrong!" she added quickly, her tone lightening. "Connor is a great kid. I'm happy for you. I'm glad that he has you and that you have him." 

"But?" Angel asked a bit warily. 

"No 'but,'" she said, surprising him. "Back when we were together and still thought it could be a forever sort of thing, do you remember when you told me you couldn't have kids?" 

Angel nodded. "Yeah." 

"Well, I didn't tell you then, but…I felt bad for you. I could tell you regretted that. And I always thought you'd be really cute with children." 

"You did?" Angel asked, surprised. She'd already said that she thought he was a good father, but that she'd been thinking about it all those years ago… He'd never really given it that much thought himself until it happened. Of course, that may have had a lot to do with the futility of thinking about it. 

"Yeah," Buffy replied, and now Angel could hear the smile in her voice. "Could have been the fact that you *did* show a very fatherly streak with me whenever you worried I wasn't being careful," she teased. Then her humor faded from her voice and only soft joy remained. "You're raising a wonderful son, Angel." 

He couldn't help but chuckle. "You caught him on a good day," he retorted. "I'm sure he will make up for it by being a little terror tomorrow." 

There was a moment of startled silence in the car. Angel was just about to amend his statement, wondering if he'd said something wrong, when Buffy spoke at last. "Tomorrow?" 

Was he just imagining it, or was her voice slightly pleased as she said that word? "Well," Angel tried to explain, "I don't know what your plans are or anything, but since you're in town…. And Connor really liked having you around…." 

He must have sounded as nervous as he felt, because Buffy laughed openly. "Relax," she teased. "I have better things to do than be lonely through the holidays like half the world." 

"Oh," Angel said, disappointed. "Then you do have plans." 

"Definitely," Buffy replied, her voice still lighter than he expected. "I have old times to catch up on. And an adorable toddler to spoil all the way through Christmas if his father will let me." 

It took Angel a second to get that she was taking him up on his invitation…and even happily extending it a bit. He laughed lightly. "I think we'd both like that idea," he said. "It would be…nice to have someone other than the two of us around for the holidays." 

"So," Buffy said happily. "Tomorrow? When do you want me?" 

Angel grinned. "Whenever you want to be there," he said. "You know I don't get around much during the day." 

"Well, that's true." 

As they spoke, Angel pulled up front of Buffy's hotel. "Buffy?" he said gently as he pulled the car to a stop. 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm glad we ran into each other," he said, smiling at her. 

Buffy met his grin without any visible reservations. "So am I," she said. "Until tomorrow, then?" 

Angel's smile grew wider, his heart feeling lighter than it had felt in…who knows how long. "I look forward to it." 

*** 

Buffy did not sleep well or easily that night. Her thoughts were moving far too quickly for her to actually get some rest. The traced over the events of the day, tracing over each word, each thought, each look in minute detail far better suited to serious scholastic study than a chance encounter with an old friend. Her thoughts simply raced all through the evening, keeping her from falling asleep at all. Everything was analyzed from every possible angle. And while by morning she hadn't managed to sort out the rest of the feelings the day had inspired in her, she had managed to reach one conclusion. 

She was glad to have run into Angel again. Even with all of the complications that entailed. 

So, there was that one certainty. And there was the certainty that once she rose from bed, finally rested, she'd be forgetting about whatever she'd originally planned for the day so that she could see Angel and his son once again. Those original plans seemed so meaningless come morning. Besides, she'd promised Angel she'd come, hadn't she? 

'It's just fun,' she thought to herself as she prepared for the day. 'Casual. We both know it can't be anything else. I don't expect it to be, and he wouldn't. Besides, curse?' 

Buffy's mind flashed to the relaxed, happy Angel moments she'd managed to witness yesterday. He was so much more…comfortable with himself than she remembered. He actually did see happy, something that she never remembered him really being. How was it that the curse hadn't managed to be an issue long ago? 'I mean, he's pretty much proven it's not just a sex thing.' 

Buffy shook her head. She'd promised herself she wasn't going to go there…. "And I'm not," she said aloud. She felt insanely like she was defending herself to someone. 'Besides, Buffy, you're almost twenty-four years old. This is not the age to be getting involved with single fathers.' 

"And you're thinking to yourself in the third person," Buffy muttered, pulling out her clothes. "Great, Buffy. Just great." 

Yet for all her internal protests about any sort of expectations for the day, she found herself purposefully dressing in clothes she knew Angel would particularly like. 

And on her way out of the hotel, she couldn't help but pick up this adorable teddy bear from the gift store in the lobby to give to Connor. 

For some reason, Buffy didn't feel at all guilty about either action. And that was something she just wasn't going to worry about. 


	4. Chapter Four

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Four**

* * *

There was definitely something going on, Cordelia was quick to realize, but what exactly it was she hadn't the faintest clue. Except for the obvious, that is. 

Angel was humming. 

Quite badly off tune, actually, which was very Angel. It was the humming in the first place that was so atypical. And the vampire, who was usually so aware of everything that was going on around him, had yet to even notice Cordelia's entrance. She felt like her eyebrows were about to make their permanent home somewhere up in her hairline. 

"Okay," she said quite loudly. "Who are you and what have you done with Angel?" 

The look he turned on her was startled and incredibly confused. She could not help but laugh. "I think that's the first time I've ever managed to sneak up on you," she said. 

Angel looked like he didn't know whether to smile or not. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "You're…we're…supposed to be taking a break for the week." 

"I know," Cordelia replied, still amused by Angel's obvious confusion. "Wesley's in England with his family, Fred's with her family, so no work. I know." 

His expression turned worried then. "You didn't have a vision, did you?" 

She could have rolled her eyes. "No, I didn't have a vision." 

Angel looked instantly relieved all out of proportion to the statement. 

Cordelia ignored that for the moment and continued with her explanation. "I just came to drop off some things and I heard you humming." 

He looked a bit stricken. "I was humming?" 

"Yeah. And quite badly." She grinned at him. "So…are you going to tell me what's going on?" 

"Going on?" Angel asked, and this time his confusion was obviously false. "Uh, what makes you think something's going on?" 

"Oh, please," Cordelia said, and this time she did roll her eyes. "You were humming. And smiling." 

"I can't just be in a good mood?" His smile had returned, almost playful. 

"Angel," Cordelia said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "This is not you. You don't have 'good moods' that equal humming and smiling. You and good moods tends to equal end of the world scenarios." 

Angel's smile slipped slightly. 

"I didn't mean it like *that*," she amended hastily. 

If Angel was sensitive about the oblique reference to his curse, he brushed it off easily. "I know you didn't," he agreed. 

"But you still haven't answered my question," she said firmly. "I swear, if I didn't know any better I'd think you had an important date." 

A slight widening of Angel's eyes was all the response Cordelia needed. She couldn't decide whether to be surprised, dismayed, or pleased. "Angel…" she said, prodding. 

"It's not…" 

A three-year-old whirlwind came tearing into the office area, laughing happily. Suddenly having an out from Cordelia's questioning, Angel stepped aside to catch the toddler on the run. Connor obviously didn't want to have anything to do with Angel at the moment, and struggled for a second to be let go. 

"And where are you going so quickly?" he asked once the boy stopped squirming. 

Connor saw Cordelia standing there and smiled. He also, to her surprise, seemed to be a bit disappointed. "Hi, Aunt Cordy," he said from his father's arms. 

Cordelia smiled back at him, then shot Angel a mischievous look. If Angel wasn't going to tell her anything, than maybe Connor would. Angel saw her expression and shot her a warning look, but she pointedly ignored it. "Expecting someone else, pip squeak?" she asked, ruffling the boy's dark hair. 

He grinned wider in response, then nodded eagerly. 

"Are you going to tell me who?" she asked. 

"Cordy…" Angel's voice was warning, but both she and Connor ignored it. 

"I'm waiting for Buffy," the boy declared. 

Cordelia shot Angel a sharp look. 

Angel sighed under that gaze and put Connor back down. "Why don't you go wait for Buffy by the door?" he suggested to the small boy. 

Grinning from ear to ear, Connor took off at a run once again. 

"Angel…" Cordelia said once the toddler was out of earshot. Her voice was obviously dismayed. "Buffy?" she asked. That one word question carried all of her doubts that this could be anything but a bad thing. 

"Don't go there," Angel replied gently. 

"But…" Cordelia asked, a bit flustered. "This is the same old Buffy we're talking about, right? The one that causes disaster wherever she goes? The one that sent you to Hell? Slay-gal?" 

"Yes," Angel replied more than a bit tensely. 

"Uh huh. The same Buffy that I do believe you never told about Connor's existence?" 

"Yes." 

"And she's coming here?" 

Angel sighed audibly. "Yes, Cordelia. She's in town and we ran into her yesterday," he explained without being asked. 

Cordy shot him a look at his annoyed tone. "Are you going to tell me why this is a good thing or should I be running for the hills now?" 

"It's not going to be like that this time," Angel said. 

Cordelia couldn't help but wonder just who he was trying to convince. She gave him her best 'reassuring, but I still know better' smile. "I know she meant a lot to you," she said patiently. "But nothing good has ever come of the two of you being together." 

Angel's expression went a bit dark, and Cordelia wondered if she'd overstepped herself…but she really didn't care if she had. She held her ground, glaring right back at him. 

His expression lightened once again, and he flashed her a brief, sad smile. "Maybe I don't like being alone for the holidays," he said. 

"You're not alone!" she protested quickly. "You have me, and you have Connor…. And when did you ever care about Christmas before?" 

Angel shot her a look. "Maybe I don't want her to be alone for the holidays, either," he said in a still softer tone of voice. 

Cordelia forced herself to take a deep breath before opening her mouth to answer…. 

"Daddy! Aunt Cordy! Buffy's here!" 

Cordelia turned to see Connor leading Buffy through the lobby of the old hotel. A glance at Angel's face showed that all of his attention was on Buffy as well. Seeing *both* of the men so engrossed with the blond Slayer, Cordelia groaned inwardly. 'Must be something in the genes.' 

"Buffy," she said by way of greeting. 

The Slayer smiled. The last several years had been good to her, and even Cordelia had to admit she looked good. "Hey, Cordelia," she said a touch hesitantly. 

Connor was practically jumping up and down, and still holding on to Buffy's hand. "Aunt Cordy!" he said happily surprised. "You know Buffy." 

Cordelia nodded, not looking away from the – in her opinion – unwanted guest. "Yeah, I know her," she said calmly. "Buffy and I went to school together." 

"Oh." 

The four of them were absolutely silent for a moment. The tension was all those clichés about knives and more. 

"So," Angel said abruptly. His voice was too loud and a touch nervous. "I had this idea…." 

Both women turned to look at him, waiting patiently for him to continue. 

Angel swallowed. "Uh, Cordelia…. You're not doing anything for Christmas Eve, are you?" 

Cordelia met his odd expression warily. "Uh, no, just me and 'It's a Wonderful Life,' why?" 

Angel did not answer her. "Buffy?" he asked. 

"Nothing," she replied, a little more certainly than Cordelia had. 

He turned to Cordelia once again. "How about Gunn?" he asked. 

"Not that I know of, but I'm not the keeper of his schedule," she retorted. "Are you going to say what this is all about?" 

"Well, I was thinking. Since we're all in town and all…that maybe we could do dinner together. You know…" He shrugged and looked at them both hopefully. 

Buffy met his gaze and grinned. "I'd love to." 

Angel was positively beaming. 

'Oh, God help me now,' Cordelia thought to herself. 

Angel turned that hopeful gaze on Cordelia. There was a pleading expression in his eyes. 

"Aren't you a little old to need a chaperone?" Cordelia pointed out. 

She was rewarded by a faint blush from Buffy. 

"Cordelia…" Angel tried again. 

She couldn't help but sigh slightly. "Alright, alright. It's not like I have anything better to do. And I'll pass along the invite to Gunn." 

Angel grinned openly. 

But not as openly as Connor. "Yay!" the small boy cheered, releasing Buffy's hand to give Cordelia an exuberant hug. 

She couldn't help but chuckle. "Then I will see you – both – Christmas Eve." Once Connor released her, she went to leave the hotel. "It was nice seeing you, Buffy," she said, but her facial expression said something completely different. 

That said 'If you hurt him, I'll tear you apart myself.' 

"Same here," Buffy replied congenially, and her face had an answer of its own. It said she understood. 

Cordelia nodded, and reluctantly left the two ex-lovebirds to their own devices. 


	5. Chapter Five

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Five**

* * *

As day began to slip over the edge into night, the last remaining bits of awkwardness slipped away leaving a comfortable familiarity…and something more. Something that wasn't nearly so comfortable, being both wanted and unwanted at the same time. Something that Buffy had thought long buried and was doing her best to ignore. 

Desire. 

The sun had just set, leaving the hotel courtyard bathed in a deep red glow. Connor was playing in the last of the sunlight, a number of his toys now populating a bizarre city of grass, brick, action figures, matchbox cars, and dinosaurs. Buffy sat on one of the benches, watching him and trying to ignore her raging emotions, simply enjoying the company of one young boy who was content to amuse himself. 

"Is this seat taken?" 

Buffy glanced up to see Angel smiling slightly at her. The last of the sunlight brought out red highlights in his hair she wasn't sure she'd ever noticed before. For that matter, she wasn't sure she'd ever seen Angel in even this little bit of evening sunlight before. She wondered if it was uncomfortable for him. 

She wondered if he could hear how her heart was racing. 

"Buffy?" 

She shook herself out of her thoughts. "Go ahead," she said, waving at the empty space beside her. Very consciously she looked away from him as he sat, keeping her attention on Connor's play. 

Still, she could feel Angel like a distinct line along her side as he sat down. She knew exactly where he was, could feel the line of his leg beside hers without looking, even though there was a good inch separating them. Then Angel leaned back in the bench, colliding with Buffy's arm. If she'd been aware of where he was before, this sent a shock right through her and she snatched her arm away quickly. 

"Sorry," Angel apologized. 

Buffy swallowed. "No, it's…okay," she managed, forcing herself to calm down. She placed her hand very carefully in her lap. 

There was a moment of silence between them. "Buffy," Angel prodded gently, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Buffy knew exactly what he was asking. "I was just thinking," she said, though *what* exactly was on her mind she was not ready to tell him. 

He awaited her next words in patient silence. 

Finally, she had to say something, even if it wasn't exactly what she'd been thinking about before Angel came to join her. "Connor drew a picture for me today," she said. 

She could tell Angel was smiling without looking at him. He radiated that same paternal pride he had when he'd first introduced Connor to her. "He did?" he asked, turning a bit towards Buffy and placing one arm along the back of the bench behind her. 

Buffy nodded and fished into her pocket. The piece of paper was a bit crinkled, but no harm had been done to the image. She held it open for Angel to see the colorful, barely recognizable crayon marks. "He said it's you keeping the monsters away," she explained. 

When she glanced up at Angel, his expression was pensive. "Most kids wouldn't really mean that, would they?" he thought out loud. 

"None that I've met," Buffy agreed. 

Angel sighed. "I do wish, sometimes, that I could have given him a bit more normal a life." 

Buffy couldn't help but smile. "Normal? Not with you as a father." 

He nodded his agreement, but without the smile. "Most parents have to convince their children that the monsters under the bed aren't real. I have to teach Connor how to know the bad monsters from the good ones." 

He took a deep breath, and Buffy found herself braced in anticipation, knowing that she was about to get another piece of the story of the years she'd missed. 

"They were after him from the moment he was born," Angel began. He kept his voice low, and Buffy followed his cue, keeping her question too quiet for Connor to hear. 

"They?" 

Angel nodded. "They. Lots of miscellaneous 'they.' Vampires, demons, lawyers…because he's the impossible child of two vampires. I spent much of his first year keeping them away. Every once in a while, I still have to make an example of some demon that decides to try again." 

"So you really do keep the monsters away," Buffy said in understanding. 

He nodded again, but said nothing. 

"What more could a kid ask for," Buffy said, trying to lighten the mood. 

The mood wasn't so willing to lighten. "A touch of normalcy," Angel pointed out. 

Buffy shook her head. "I used to want that," she pointed out. "And you know what I've finally decided?" 

"What?" 

"If we were normal, we wouldn't be who we are. This is the life we're supposed to have. If it were any other way…it wouldn't be so interesting." 

"But he's only three years old," Angel protested. 

"And he's got you for a father. Personally, out of the choice between normalcy and you, I'd pick you." 

Once the words were out, Buffy realized how else they could be construed. She also realized in a sudden moment of clarity just how much she meant that other meaning. That more personal meaning. And it was about time Angel knew that. She looked him in the eye and for the first time in years let all of that pent up emotion come shining right through. All of that…desire. 

"Buffy…" Angel managed. His voice sounded stuck in his throat. 

"Yes?" she said strongly. 

"Do you mean that?" he asked. 

"Yes," she said, completely certain. "But I don't really have that choice, do I?" 

"No more than I do," Angel said. He was letting his emotions show in response to hers, and his voice was tinged with regret. "Even ignoring everything else, ignoring normal, there's still the curse…." 

"Angel?" Buffy asked suddenly. 

"Yeah?" 

Buffy swallowed, and then asked something that had been on her mind since yesterday. "How do you still have your soul?" 

Angel sighed. "Buffy, I told you with Darla…" 

"No," Buffy interrupted quickly. "That's not what I meant." 

He looked at her, quizzical and a bit alarmed. "Then what…?" 

"I've spent most of the last two days with you," she clarified. "You seem…happy, in general. Much happier than I remember you being." 

Angel was thoughtful for a moment. "I'm content," he said after a while. He got what Buffy was saying, though. "I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know where the limits of the curse lie. But I'm not about to go testing them." 

"I wouldn't ask you to," Buffy hastily assured him. 

Angel sighed. "I know you wouldn't," he said. "I just wish…" 

"Me too," Buffy agreed, and leaned into his shoulder. 

They stayed like that for a long while in silence. Angel's hand traced light circles on her upper back. His shirt was soft and warm against her cheek. It was a moment Buffy could only describe as 'right,' to be here like this, and yet it saddened her at the same time. They should have been able to do this forever. They should have been able to do this and more. 

Connor looked up briefly from his playing and smiled at the two of them together. Buffy caught his look and gave a small wave. He giggled and returned to his game. 

"There were times I wished he was your son," Angel whispered out of nowhere. 

That sincere confession brought out a fierce pang of emotion without warning, and Buffy's breath caught in a kind of sob before she could stop herself. 

"Buffy?" Angel asked in concern, starting to pull away. "Are you…? I didn't…." 

Buffy did not let him pull away, but instead did her best to hold him even closer. "Do you have any idea what you do to me when you say things like that?" she asked. 

"I'm sorry…" 

"Don't be sorry!" Buffy said, a bit more harshly than she'd intended. "Not for things you mean." She turned a miserable gaze up at him. "It's just not fair," she bemoaned. 

"I know it isn't," Angel whispered sadly back. 

Their lips met then in a kiss – brief, gentle, heartbreaking…everything that their relationship had been once upon a time. 

Buffy pulled away after a moment, wiping her eyes of the tears that had unexpectedly risen. "Cordelia was right," she complained. 

"How so?" Angel asked, reaching to lightly touch her cheek, his fingers taking away the last traces of her tears. 

"She was watching out for you," she said. "She didn't want me here." 

"I want you here," Angel explained, as if that meant everything. 

Buffy sighed. "It's no good. You know that. What are we doing, Angel?" 

He gave her a sad smile. "I wish I knew," he admitted. 

"Then I'll tell you," Buffy said. "We're just setting ourselves up for more heartache. Maybe there was a reason we haven't spoken for years. Maybe we shouldn't." 

"I don't believe that," Angel said firmly. 

Buffy looked at him, bewildered but somehow…hopeful. "You don't?" 

Angel shook his head. "We can do this without heartache this time," he said. "I know we can." 

"But…how?" 

"Simple," Angel declared. "We let what happens happen. We take what we can get for the moment, and let tomorrow take care of itself. We'll enjoy ourselves for once, and not start second guessing things from the moment *something* happens." 

"But what about afterwards?" Buffy reminded him. "What about when it's time to go home? What then? Do we just go our separate ways again as if we hadn't just spent a…delightful week together?" 

To her dismay, she could see some of the uncharacteristic optimism die in Angel's eyes. 

"What else can we do?" Buffy asked unhappily. "What else is there for us?" 

Angel surprised her, though. He pulled her back into his arms, less passionate than desperate. His entire body language spoke of determination. "We'll find something," he said strongly. 

Buffy wanted nothing more than to believe him. 


	6. Chapter Six

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Six**

* * *

"And where does this one go?" 

Connor looked seriously at the Christmas tree that took up a chunk of the hotel lobby. Walking around the heavily decorated branches, he glanced at the glass ornament and back to the tree again. "There," he declared firmly once his inspection was done, pointing at a spot just a little over his head. 

Angel held the ornament close to the tree. "Here?" he asked. 

"Higher!" 

The ornament caught Connor's reflection for a moment in its red shiny surface as Angel raised it to the next bough. His own reflection remained conspicuously absent. "Here?" 

Connor nodded eagerly, and Angel secured the ornament to the branch. "There," he said, and stood back to admire their handiwork. "All done." 

"Daddy!" Connor said sternly. 

Angel raised an eyebrow at the little boy, smiling good-naturedly. "What, am I forgetting something?" he teased. 

Connor ran over to the box that held all of the decorations. "The angel!" he reminded his father loudly. 

"Are you sure?" Angel asked. 

"It's right here," the boy pointed out, struggling to lift the angel tree-topper out of the box too big for him to reach into. 

Angel leaned over to help him. "Oh, this?" he said. He placed it carefully in Connor's small hands. "Maybe you'd better put this up there. Just to make sure I don't forget again." 

Connor's smile could only be described as thrilled. "Could I really?" 

"You've got the angel?" Angel asked gently. 

Connor nodded and held the figure by the waist for his father to see. 

"Okay, then. Hold on tight." He lifted the boy easily with no more warning than that, making Connor laugh in delight. Then Angel held him up by the top of the tree so that he could place the angel there with excruciating carefulness. Connor stuck his tongue out slightly as he set it on top of the tree. As he took his time to get it right, Angel couldn't help but be glad of his supernatural strength – Connor was much larger than he'd been a year ago. 

"There!" Connor finally declared loudly. 

"How cute. All of my favorite angels." 

Angel froze for a second in mid-motion of putting his son down, and Connor squirmed in protest. "Unca Lorne!" he said happily once his feet were on the ground again. 

The flashy demon smiled at the little boy. "And a merry Christmas to you," he said. "I see you decorated the tree this year." 

"Daddy helped," Connor said, making both vampire and demon grin. 

"I'm sure," Lorne replied, looking at the tree. It was heavily decorated…from about the middle down. 

Angel couldn't help but continue smiling at the unexpected arrival. "Hey," he said. "What are you doing here?" 

"Well," Lorne said, gesturing broadly, "I happened to run into Cordelia last evening, and it seems that she's quite upset over a certain ex-girlfriend of yours being in town." 

Angel's smile slipped. "Not you, too," he said. 

Lorne waved his response off. "She's just looking out for you," he said. "Me, I've never even met the girl. And something tells me I've only gotten a hint of what she means to you." 

Angel was uncomfortable under the sudden scrutiny. He said nothing, but shot Lorne a look. 

The demon smiled back at him. "I'm just as willing to stand back and see what happens," he said. "Like, oh, now." 

The front door opened as if on cue, revealing Buffy with several shopping bags. Angel rushed past Lorne and Connor to grab a couple of them and hurried to put them down on the counter. "What's this?" he asked in surprise. 

"And hello to you, too," Buffy retorted. 

Angel's smile returned, stronger than before. "Hello, Buffy." 

"And to answer your question," the small blond continued, "it's Christmas dinner." 

Angel opened his mouth to protest, and Buffy immediately cut him off. "I know you're not experienced at this, seeing as how you're on a liquid diet," she said with a smile. "And if I can handle Thanksgiving for the entire Sunnydale gang, I'm sure I can manage a small Christmas gathering. Right?" 

"You didn't have to do this," Angel protested. 

"I didn't," Buffy agreed. "But I want to. Besides, who else is going to do it?" 

"She has you there," Lorne spoke up. 

Buffy was startled by his voice, but not half as much as she was when she actually saw who spoke. Angel had almost forgotten how much simpler it was in Sunnydale – chances were if it wasn't human, it was evil. "Uh, I don't know you," she stuttered. 

Lorne smiled at her pleasantly as Angel spoke up. "Buffy, this is Lorne. Lorne, Buffy." 

"A pleasure to meet you," Lorne said, offering his hand to shake. 

Buffy took it a bit hesitantly. "Likewise…I think." 

Angel tried not to smile at Buffy's discomfort. "He's a friend," he explained easily. 

"Oh." She looked down abruptly to see Connor going through one of the bags she'd brought. "And what do you think you're doing?" she asked with a smile. 

"Presents!" the toddler declared. 

"Yes, they are," Buffy agreed. "But they're not for until tomorrow." 

Connor pouted at her. 

She sighed. "Nope, not going to work," she declared. 

The boy turned his attention to his father then with the same pleading expression. 

"One – but not until tonight, after dinner," Angel said after a moment. "The rest wait until tomorrow." 

Connor stopped pouting, but he did look quite longingly at the bag of presents. 

"Here," Buffy said happily. "Why don't you help me put these under the tree?" 

That put the toddler instantly in a better mood, and he hurried over to show Buffy all of his hard work that morning. On her way, Buffy flashed Angel a pleasant smile, one he happily returned. 

Lorne leaned closer to talk to Angel once she was a ways across the room. "I see why Cordelia was worried," he said. 

Angel shot him a look. 

"She's quite something," Lorne continued, undaunted. "I bet she leaves broken hearts in her wake all over the place." 

Angel's reply was barely above a growl. "Don't remind me." 

"Just don't want to see your heart be one of those," he finished in a warning tone, then crossed the lobby to join Connor and Buffy under the tree. 

Leaning against the counter, Angel knew that any such warning was already *way* too late. 


	7. Chapter Seven

Hopeful Season By Cynamin 

**Part Seven**

* * *

A sort of drowsy contentment pervaded the lobby well into the evening. The meal had been eaten with great delight from the human members of the group, and with only slightly less relish on Angel's part. Now, more than full, they relaxed in the lobby in full sight of the Christmas tree. Connor had gone beyond drowsy to actually sleeping, curled up with his head in his father's lap. The rest of them just relaxed and for once talked about empty nothings. 

Except when Buffy and Angel's eyes happened to meet. Though they said nothing and did nothing to act on it, their eyes weren't so empty. Not empty at all. And every time this would happen, Gunn and Cordelia would exchange knowing looks that the two of them completely missed. 

Abruptly, Cordelia yawned. She looked at her watch and sighed. "I should be going home," she said. 

Angel looked at her. "Are you sure?" he asked. 

She nodded, sitting up a bit straighter. "Yeah, I'm sure. Or am going to fall asleep right where I sit." 

Gunn stood beside her. "I should go, too," he said. 

Angel looked back and forth between the two of them. "Well…" he said at last, shifting Connor from his lap so that he could stand beside them. 

"It was a nice evening," Cordelia said at last. "You know…I never really had an evening like this with my family for Christmas. It was always some huge event where I barely saw my parents. This…this was nice." 

Angel smiled. "It was," he agreed, walking with the two of them now towards the doors. 

Gunn nodded at Buffy as he went to leave. "Nice meeting you," he said. "And the food was excellent." 

Buffy grinned. "Thanks. And you too." 

Now right at the doorway, Angel hesitated in his farewells. "Are you sure you have to go?" he asked Cordelia in a hushed tone. 

"Yes, I'm sure," she said, looking at him sternly. She, too, lowered her voice. "I said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm not your chaperone, Angel." 

"I'm not asking…" 

Her look cut him off. "Oh, please," she muttered. "You're acting like you're afraid to be alone with Buffy. Personally, I'm a little afraid to have you alone with Buffy. But I'm still leaving." 

"I'm not afraid," Angel protested. It sounded a little pathetic to his own ears. 

"Sure," she said disbelieving. She gave a small sigh and dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper. "You can't leave it like this," she said. "Whatever is going on between the two of you, if you don't work *something* out – anything at all – you're going to be miserable for the next month. And miserable to work with. And then Wesley will come back from England to find you all mopey again and wonder what the hell we all did to you." 

Angel looked back over his shoulder at Buffy. She was sitting, awaiting his return, watching Connor curled up asleep. "You're right," he admitted. 

"About the mopey thing or the working something out?" 

Angel gave her a forced smile. "I guess you'll find out in two days, won't you?" 

Cordelia gave him a happily annoyed sigh. "Okay, we're going now. We know when we're not welcome anymore," she teased. 

"Bye, Cordelia. Gunn," Angel said, his tone laced with amusement. 

He stood there for a long moment after the door had closed behind the two of them. Finally, he braced himself, turned, and caught Buffy's eyes. She was standing now, watching him, a serious look on her face. 

"She's right, you know," Buffy said after a moment. 

"Hmm?" 

"Cordelia," she explained. "She's not as quiet as she thinks she is." 

Angel nodded, knowing exactly what she was referring to now. "Let's put Connor to bed first," he said softly. "Then we'll talk." 

Buffy opened her mouth as if to protest, then nodded instead. Angel knew the feeling. One part of him was in a rush to do exactly as Cordelia had said – work *something* out between them. The other part of him would just as soon put that discussion off forever. They'd been doing just fine without it thus far, right? 

Without a word, Angel lifted his sleeping son. Connor stirred only slightly, making himself comfortable with his head resting in the crook of Angel's neck, and kept right on sleeping. Angel caught Buffy smiling at the two of them. He carried Connor up the stairs to the second floor and into the boy's room, Buffy following the entire way. The toddler only woke up a bit when Angel went to get him in his pajamas; Connor stirred just enough to cooperate with it all, then curled up in his bed fast asleep once again. 

Still silent, Angel led Buffy through the door to his own adjoining room. Neither of them spoke until the door between the two rooms was closed to only a crack and they were abruptly the most alone they'd been since the chance meeting several days before. 

"Well," Buffy breathed after a moment. 

"Well," Angel agreed, but he too could come up with nothing to follow up the statement. 

Buffy let out a week grin. "We're not too good at this, are we?" she asked. 

Angel smiled shakily back. "No, I guess we're not." 

"Pretty pathetic," Buffy said. "Using your friends and son like a safe zone." 

"Yeah," Angel agreed. 

Buffy shot him an amused look. "You know, this talking and working things out doesn't work so well if all you do is agree with everything I say in the shortest possible sentences." 

Seriously, Angel sat down on the edge of his bed. "I really don't know what to say, Buffy," he said slowly. 

"I know the feeling," she said, leaning up against his dresser. She swallowed audibly. "Tell me what you want, Angel." 

"Buffy…?" he asked, startled and confused by the way she directed the conversation. 

She looked at him patiently. "It's as good a place to start as any," she said. "Really…in an ideal situation, forgetting for just a moment all the reasons this conversation has waited so many years, what do you want? Do you want me?" 

Angel had to take an unnecessary breath before he could answer. "I want you," he admitted after a moment. "I…I have so truly enjoyed the last several days. It's been…" 

"Nice?" Buffy suggested. 

He gave a small chuckle. "What an inadequate word," he said. "But, yeah, it's been nice." 

"It has," Buffy agreed. "When we weren't thinking about the past and were just being…I don't think we've ever been so comfortable with each other before." Her voice held a hint of regret. 

"I don't think so either," Angel replied. Goodness knows he hadn't been. He'd wanted her before, he'd loved her before, but he couldn't think of a time when he'd just *been with* her before. "I don't want that to end," he said. 

"But it's not that simple," Buffy said. 

"No," Angel agreed. "It never has been. No matter how much we've tried to pretend it was." 

She nodded reluctantly. "And the longer we're around each other, the sooner it's going to be before we end up in all of those…old patterns again. Putting ourselves through old pain because we *want* so much…." 

Angel couldn't help but look at Buffy in surprise. "You've really thought about this, haven't you?" he said. 

"I've had a lot of time to," Buffy replied. "Those times with you were some of my best and my worst, and I wanted to understand why. I wanted to know…so that somehow I could have the good times and not the bad. Even if it wasn't with you." 

Angel nodded his understanding. That was, after all, part of the reason he had left. A large part of the reason. 

"What about you?" Buffy asked. 

Angel sighed. "I wasn't so productive. I spent more time wishing *I* could be the normal guy that I wanted you to have…but still be able to keep you safe." 

Buffy gave him a sad smile. "That's a tall order," she said. 

He nodded. "I do know that I don't want another three years to go by before I see you again." 

Buffy nodded eagerly back at that statement. "Not just see," she said, "but talk. How did we fall so incredibly out of touch?" 

"I don't know," Angel replied. 

"I feel like I've missed so much," Buffy said unhappily. "I don't want to miss anymore. Even if…we can't do any more than talk…I don't want to lose that. I don't want to lose this." 

"I don't, either." 

The moment seemed to hold its breath, the very air vibrating between them. 

"I still love you." 

Their words mingled, both of their voices combining with the same words and the same feelings. Their gazes met with no one between them, no one to roll their eyes at the waves of emotion that crashed in the small room. Never had four words been quite so intense. 

Buffy gave a shaky laugh, breaking the moment. "Well," she said uneasily, "now that that's out there…." 

Angel met her uncertain smile. "It is," he agreed. Then, he smiled a bit more certainly. "I'm glad it is." 

"So am I," she said back. "We will…stay in touch, won't we, Angel?" 

"Of course we will," he said quickly. 

"And…we will work something out?" 

"Yes," Angel said with sincere confidence. An idea dawned on him then, and he looked at Buffy hopefully. "I don't suppose you'd mind a visitor or two in Sunnydale every once in a while…" he suggested. 

"You and Connor?" Buffy asked. 

Angel nodded. 

"New Years?" she suggested. 

Angel was genuinely startled. He hadn't been expecting anything so soon. "You mean that?" 

Buffy gave him an amused smile. "That depends. Are you coming?" 

"I…" 

A distressed wail from the next room interrupted Angel's affirmative response. He jumped from his position on the bed and ran into Connor's room barely seconds after the first cry was heard. He found the toddler sitting up in bed, shaking, his stuffed animal clutched to his chest in a death grip. There were tears streaming down his face. Without a word, Angel lifted him from the bed and carried him back into his room. 

Buffy's expression was concerned when she saw the two of them enter. "What's wrong?" she asked in a rush. 

"Nightmare," Angel said softly, even as Connor continued to sob into his chest. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. 

He nodded even through his tears, sniffling a bit into Angel's shirt. 

Angel sat carefully on the bed, making little soothing sounds in his son's ear. His sobs began to subside and he wasn't shaking so much. Without being asked, Buffy handed Angel a tissue, and Angel flashed her a thankful smile. 

"There," he said, gently wiping the boy's tears from his face. "Is that better?" 

Connor gave a little hiccupping sob and nodded. 

"You want to tell me what it was about?" Angel suggested softly. 

Connor shook his head in a vehement 'no.' 

Angel knew better than to push the small boy on what he'd dreamed, especially now that he had calmed down. Chances were he didn't even remember what it was that had upset him so anymore. So Angel just held him, one hand rubbing his back as the very last of his sobs subsided. 

Finally, he shifted his son slightly to look at his face. His crying done, he was starting to drift off again. "Okay," he said, "time for you to go back to bed." 

That woke Connor back up, and he looked at his father with a pleading expression. "Can I stay?" he begged. 

That expression was all it took for Angel to give in. "Alright," he agreed, and Connor clambered from his father's arms to squirm into the covers at the middle of the bed. 

Seeing that Connor expected Angel to stay there with him, Buffy pulled away slightly. "I should be going," she said softly to Angel. 

He was about to give her a soft farewell, but Connor would have none of that. "Stay!" he demanded. Angel shot her a helpless look as Connor made it absolutely known what he wanted. "You sleep here," Connor said, pointing to the side of the bed on his left. 

Buffy complied a touch reluctantly when Angel nodded that it was okay. Once she was lying down, Connor turned his attention to his father. "And Daddy lays here," he said, gesturing at his other side. 

Angel obeyed his son's commands, lying on his side facing both Connor and Buffy. Buffy smiled at him across his son, even as she too made herself comfortable. As Angel watched her, she yawned, then flashed him an embarrassed smile. He smiled right back. 

It did not take long for Connor to fall asleep once again. Angel lay there in silence, listening to the boy's breathing until it had become the slow, regular pattern of sleep. Then, once Angel knew that he wasn't going to wake back up, he carefully lifted his son from the bed, flashing Buffy a smile as he went. She returned it sleepily. 

Angel was as silent as only a vampire could be as he carried his son into the next room. Tucking the boy back into his bed, his stuffed animal securely in the crook of one arm, Angel couldn't help but spare a moment to wonder at his child. He trusted and loved without question as only a small child could, giving Angel a gift he never thought he'd receive. He kissed his son ever so lightly on the forehead, then padded back to his own room. 

The sight he found there only served to warm Angel's heart some more. In his absence, Buffy had fallen sound asleep on his bed. She was snoring very slightly, her head practically burrowing into his pillow. There was a small, contented smile on her face. She looked so peaceful that he could not bring himself to wake her. 

Without a word, Angel pulled the covers over Buffy's sleeping form. Then he removed his shirt and shoes and laid back down on the side of the bed Connor had assigned to him earlier and turned off the lamp at the bedside. Smiling in contentment, he lay there watching Buffy sleep until the clock on the nightstand behind her turned to midnight. 

"Merry Christmas, beloved," he whispered into the darkness. 

And then, he drifted off to sleep with that hazy glow of love and happiness in his heart. 


	8. Chapter Eight

Hopeful Season by Cynamin 

* * *

**Part Eight**

Buffy awoke rested, warm…and with Angel's arm draped around her waist. She smiled to herself. She had not meant to stay the night, but obviously Angel had not minded. At some point during the night, they had both changed position until her back was to his chest, and he held her very gently in his sleep. It had been so long since she had fallen asleep in his arms – back to just before they broke up. His presence always seemed to make a night that much more comfortable and safe. 

Something tickled Buffy's ear and she started in surprise. Careful not to disturb Angel, her fingers found nothing but her own hair. Still, less than a second after she pulled her hand away, it came again. Buffy froze at the persistence of it. 

Breath? 

Gently Buffy lifted Angel's arm from her waist and turned to face him. He slept onward, oblivious of Buffy's growing shocked wonder. His face was perfectly relaxed in sleep, as if he had none of the concern or centuries of guilt that plagued him in his waking hours. A smile touched his lips, his hair was slightly tousled from sleep, and his naked chest…was rising and falling slowly with each breath he took. 

Buffy just stared at him in silence. Though Angel occasionally breathed when he was awake, he didn't need to, and so in sleep he always lost that habit to seem even more like the dead he was. For a brief moment Buffy wondered if this might have changed in the years since she'd last seen him sleep, seeking any explanation but the one that screamed hopefully and joyfully in her heart. 

With a hand that shook slightly, Buffy reached to gently touch Angel's cheek. He smiled in his sleep, leaning slightly into her touch, and Buffy gasped. Angel had always had some sense of the non-living about him, something that was so him that she'd no longer really noticed it. With his pale, cool skin and his eternal stillness, he was like a beautiful statue that moved and spoke and loved. This…this was warm, and vibrant…and very much alive. 

"Angel," Buffy whispered softly. Her voice was slightly awed. 

He stirred but did not wake, smiling even brighter. Buffy felt like she was going to cry from sheer joy and wonder at the moment. And he wasn't even awake to realize what was going on yet! 

"Angel," she said, still softly but no longer whispering, "please wake up." 

His brow scrunched up slightly in confusion before he opened his eyes. He was still obviously not quite awake, even when his eyes finally opened and he smiled radiantly at Buffy. "You're still here," he said a bit fuzzily. 

"Yeah," she managed around a throat that suddenly seemed to tight, "I'm still here." 

He blinked at her, confused. "What's wrong?" he asked, gradually emerging from the fog of sleep. 

Buffy's voice was barely above a whisper when she managed to speak again. "Nothing's wrong," she said. 

It was only then that Angel's mind caught up with the wakefulness of his body and realized that *something* wasn't quite normal about the later. He gasped in shock, sat up in bed, then turned back to Buffy, his eyes wide and wild. "Buffy," he gasped. 

She smiled at him, at his dawning realization, and felt one of those tears of joy that had been threatening finally slip its confines to run freely down her cheek. 

His smile went wide again, this one eclipsing any that had come before it for sheer joy. "I'm alive," he said. 

Buffy nodded, grinning as well. "I noticed," she said. 

Happiness and shock seemed to be warring for dominance in Angel's expression. "I didn't…" he started to say, his expression momentarily confused. 

"Well, I certainly didn't!" Buffy shot back. If Angel didn't know how this happened, then she hadn't the faintest clue. 

He laughed then, openly and freely. Buffy thought she'd seen him laugh before this, in the hours with his son, but it was nothing compared to this. He flopped back down on the bed, joy obviously winning the war over confusion, his eyes absolutely shining with delight. "I'm alive," he said again, a bit softer this time. 

Buffy opened her mouth to reply, and Angel pulled her to him in a warm, living embrace. He did not kiss her – for all that she found herself wishing he would at the moment – but just held her close, her head resting on his chest. He felt so warm, so different from how she remembered, with his lungs expanding with each breath and his heartbeat echoing in her ear. She wrapped her arms around him, perfectly content to stay right there. 

"I didn't expect this so soon," he said after a moment. 

Buffy tilted her head up to blink at him. "But you *did* expect it?" she teased. 

To her surprise, he nodded. "Eventually," he said. "We found this prophecy…." 

Buffy couldn't help but laugh slightly at that. "What fun," she said sarcastically. She and prophecies didn't have the best history. But then again, for *this* she just might have to change her opinion. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Angel said hesitantly. 

She just smiled at his concern. "You also didn't tell me about your son," she reminded him, "and I think that was the bigger deal." 

He nodded slightly. "I just…thought something major would have to happen before…" He gestured vaguely. 

"Maybe this is someone's version of a Christmas present," Buffy suggested. "After all, it's happened before." 

Angel chuckled, no doubt remembering as well the bizarre Christmas snow years before that had saved him from the sunlight. "Maybe," he agreed. 

"Though that was kind of a 'avert disaster' sort of situation, wasn't it?" Buffy added thoughtfully. 

She felt Angel tense beneath her at those words. "What is it?" she asked worriedly. 

He laughed slightly. "I have the horrible/wonderful feeling this might have been one of those situations, too." 

Buffy was at a complete loss. "What are you talking about?" 

Angel smiled down at her and squeezed her shoulders lightly. "Just that, looking back to last night, there is a very real possibility my soul was at risk." 

Buffy propped herself up on her elbow to look him in the face. "What in the world do you mean?" she asked. "I mean, we didn't do anything…." 

"We didn't have to," Angel said. "Connor was here, with his unconditional love and trust, and you were here…and there was hope, Buffy. I had real hope. Not of anything in particular, but last night, when I went to sleep…I wasn't thinking about what I am, or what I've done. I was only thinking about how lucky I was." 

Buffy could not stop herself from smiling vibrantly at his words. If she kept this up, her cheeks were going to ache. "What you were," she said. 

"Hmm?" 

"You said what I am. You mean what you *were*," she clarified. 

Angel gave a small laugh. "I guess you're right," he agreed. 

Buffy just kept right on smiling at him. "Merry Christmas, Angel," she said. 

He returned it with a new gleam in his eyes. "Merry Christmas," he said, and pulled her back towards him for a kiss. 

"Merry Christmas!" 

The bed bobbed for a second as the three-year-old jumped into the fray. Grinning from ear to ear, Angel pulled away from Buffy to grab his son and pull him up towards the head of the bed between them. He tickled Connor until the boy was chortling so hard he was having trouble breathing. "And a merry Christmas to you, rascal," he said. He stopped and smiled at his son. "And what are you doing up so early?" 

"Presents!" Connor declared. 

"Mmm, well…I don't know…." 

Connor wasn't buying into Angel's teasing. The stern look he gave his father was so like Angel that Buffy could barely contain her laughter. "Daddy," he said. 

Angel grinned. "We're up," he said, "we're coming." 

Angel stood beside the bed, barefoot and shirtless, and Buffy climbed out from under the covers a moment later. Connor stood on the bed, his arms out to his father, obviously expecting to be picked up. Angel complied without hesitation. 

Connor made himself comfortable in Angel's arms…and then he pulled away a bit with his face scrunched up in confusion. "You feel funny," he said. 

This time Angel did laugh. "Here," he said after a moment. "I have something to show you." 

He carried the boy into the bathroom, Buffy following close behind them. There, he stood for a moment in front of the mirror, now showing both of their reflections. It was the first time Connor had seen it. "I'm not floating," he said. 

Angel was smiling so wondrously then. It was like seeing his reflection had confirmed that this morning's surprise wasn't just a vivid dream. "No," he said, sounding a bit in awe of the whole set of events, "you're not floating." 

He sat Connor on the counter then and looked at him seriously. "Some other things have changed, too," he did his best to explain to the small boy. "I can go outside to play with you now. And I'll have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with you, too. But on the other hand, no more monster face." 

Connor looked very thoughtful at that, as if weighing everything and deciding if he was really getting the better deal. It was so adorable Buffy had to smile. "But will you still keep the bad monsters away?" he asked after a moment. 

Angel straightened slightly. Buffy could see that he was thinking about everything from that morning, thinking about how he felt and whether he still had what advantages he needed. At last he smiled and looked at his son again. "Yes," he declared, "I can still keep the monsters away." 

Remembering their talk from the night before, another thrill of joy went through Buffy's heart. "Just what you always wanted," she said softly. 

Angel turned and smiled at her. "Almost," he agreed. His eyes spoke of what else he wanted; what neither of them was ready for and would have to wait. 

But there was a chance now. A chance that they really *could* try for something more and not have an automatic overdose of heartbreak to go with it. So Buffy just met his smile and let him see that she, too, had hope for the future. 

Through this, Connor was still thinking. Buffy wondered if he even understood how momentous the occasion was. "Okay," he said at last. 

"Okay?" Angel asked gently. 

Connor nodded with a grin and held his arms out to his father again. Angel lifted him as easily as he ever had, and the toddler held him tightly, enjoying that new warmth just as Buffy had earlier. "Let's open presents outside!" he declared after a moment. 

Angel was already carrying him down the hallway, and Buffy fell into step beside them. Thinking of the cleanup that would be required afterwards – and the fact that neither of the men was dressed and she didn't have her shoes – she said, "I'm not sure that's such a good idea." 

Angel shot her a look that said how much *he* couldn't wait to go outside, either. And she so desperately wanted to see him there, a place where she had only seen him in her dreams. 

"Please?" Connor asked again. 

Angel smiled tolerantly at his son. "Only a couple," he said as they reached the bottom of the stairs. 

Connor squirmed then to be released, and Angel put him down. As the boy went to the Christmas tree to carefully pick out which presents were going to come outside, Angel turned his attention to Buffy. His smile was warm and open, as was his hand that he held out to her. Buffy smiled back and took what was offered there. She'd never been so aware of how life felt when it was pressed palm to palm. 

Presents in hand, Connor was already waiting impatiently for them at the french doors to the courtyard. "Come on!" he said eagerly. 

Buffy and Angel followed him, still hand in hand. They opened the doors as one, watching as Connor ran down the couple of stairs and into the sunlight. 

"Come on, Daddy," he said once his presents were scattered around him. 

Angel hesitated on the very edge of the sunlight. Buffy squeezed his hand in reassurance, and he turned a hesitant smile to her. She could see him take a deep breath before taking that last step out into the full light of day…and then turn a smile on her that made her think of nothing but a little boy on Christmas who suddenly discovered he'd received a gift that was far better from anything he'd even thought to hope for. A life-changing gift. 

Buffy could only wonder that she was there to share that moment with him. 

"Daddy," Connor said impatiently, being a very *real* little boy at Christmas whose presents were being delayed. 

Their attention turned to Connor, but never once were Buffy nor Angel unaware of the other. As they watched the toddler who had brought them back together tear into presents with all of the enthusiasm of his age, and thought of all the moments like this they hoped to have in the future, beyond the hotel a radio played Christmas carols just loud enough to be heard. And as the words made themselves known to Buffy's ears, she couldn't help but feel how appropriate they were… 

"Good tidings to you, to you and your kin.   
We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year…" 

**The End**


End file.
